It may be late for me to talk about this. Well, it's better late than never right?
So what made me suddenly thinking?
It all begins while I was updating my linkedIn profile and searching for words that describe what my personality traits are. This search made me look through myself, about how I am these years. And, it leads me to my own opinion of experiences throughout these 4 years of my university life.
Sadly, I have to admit I am no longer an influencer and stand out from the other, and it has been that way since I join senior high school.
I traced back to what caused this because it is making me desperate in my social life. Not forgetting about the declining line of self quality I am building.
I think the answer is the isolation I build between me and other people in my life, especially friends. Yep, isolation. What caused me to distance myself from the other?
It is hard for me to admit this, but in order to move on and repair my quality, I need to learn to let go. I have no confidence in associating with others. Why?
First of all, senior high school is the time that most people find exciting. They extend their world by communicating with a lot of people, making new friends, going out and have fun.
The senior high school life I saw is like this: friends or colleagues I knew all spent their time together, went to cinemas, mall or friends' houses after school. They went out to places to chat and just have fun.
What I had in my senior high school life is mostly at home, watching movies or surfing internet. I was socially active in social media, because I can't go out, or precisely, I chose not to go out. It was because my house is damn far from others, and I have no license and no permission to take the car. My parents are too busy to send me to where my friends are, and sometimes, because of my parents' positive protection (I can't say that they are overprotective), I always end up arguing with them about going out with my friends. So to avoid arguing, I chose to isolate myself. Conclusion : I can't have what mostly my friends have.
Elementary school is different. I was living in benefit because of my sister's achievement. People knew me, aside from my outstanding blonde hair that easily recognized. Teachers giving me positions at school because of my talents. It made me confident to associate with others.
See why I said my life quality line is declining?
It affects me until the time I enter university. I was afraid to voice out my opinions while I had the chances. Afraid to be different and show people what I am capable of, forgetting about the importance of first impression. I forgot how to blend into a society and it's hard for me to make new friends. During four years of university, I decided to give up. I have no time for society that rejects me and indulge myself in society that accepts me. I failed to realize that it will make people fail to realize my charm. And now I'm reaping what I sowed. When I voice out my opinion or analysis of situation, mostly people who do not know me won't listen to me. I am desperate. I feel they look down on me and not respecting me.
But is it true?
Tonight I thoroughly traced all my past, and I found out everything leads back to me. I caused this myself. If I were more open in my senior high school life, explaining to friends why I never go out with them; if I were more understanding to the worries of my parents and talk to them and gain their trust; if I saw new stage of life in university as a new situation and condition where I could bring back my charm, maybe I won't experience all those sad life.
Tonight, I decided to look at my past as a meaningful experiences and not mourn over them. I decide from tomorrow on, I will be a new person, a person full of confidence, charming and step out of my comfort zone!
No comments:
Post a Comment